My younger sister is due with her second child in about 6 weeks. It's been fun listening to her pregnancy stories and talking about the new baby that's on the way. She came to visit with her 15th month old over the summer and Erik and I had a blast watching little Ellis and remembering what our kids were like at that age. I have to say it made me wistful. I remember the magic of being pregnant and all the excitement that came with it. There is a sense of endless possibilities, as you dream about what your child will be like and what he or she will become, and what your family will grow to be like. Then they are born and you brave the initial months of sleepless nights and utter exhaustion and are rewarded with sweet smiles, cuddles, and then first words, first steps, and the joy of watching your child figure out the world during the toddler years and crack you up during the pre school years. For many of us, we are blessed to have more than one child and can enjoy these phases more than once.
After Jayson was born I didn't think I would have any more but I certainly kept the option open. I was only 32 years of age and felt like I had all the time in the world. By the time he was 3 and 4 years old and the full extent of his special needs began to hit us, I mentally closed the door on more children for good. I simply didn't think I could ever handle another child's needs on top of Jayson's (and Katy's). Fast forward 4 more years and not only are Katy and Jayson doing pretty well, but both just swooned over having their baby cousin Ellis come to stay. One day, Jayson asked, "Mom, when are you going to have another baby so I can be a big brother?". I kind of brushed off his comment until later that night when Erik, after watching Ellis toddle around the house, commented "I know it's just crazy talk but don't you think it would be fun to go back to the circus one more time? Heck, we'd probably be better at it now and do a great job." He was only half serious, but it begged the question: Are Erik and I really ready to say a permanent goodbye to that stage of parenthood?
It seems like it would be an easy decision, but anything that permanent is hard to swallow. No more babies, EVER? No more toothless smiles, funny toddler sayings, first days of preschool - EVER? It's a hard thing to say goodbye to because it's such a magical time. But I'm finding that there is a heck of a lot of magic in the new phase of parenthood (later childhood and adolescence) as well. I find myself marveling at Katy now just as often as I did when she was 2. I love watching how she works through things in her head, how she handles friendships, how she finds her sense of humor, and how she slowly begins to shape her own identity. It's a marvel to behold. And I seem to have blinked and missed something because somehow my son seems to be growing up as well. He spends just as much time telling me he wants to do things by himself ("Don't help me, Mom!") as he does asking me for snacks (he still can't slice up his own apples). He still struggles tremendously with social issues, but sometimes I catch just a little glimpse of what he's going to be like when he gets a little older and it's truly exciting. And every new experience gobsmacks me - whether it's joining a football team, or telling me with absolute certainty that he will be going to sleepaway camp in Michigan with Katy this summer. He transitioned into 3rd grade with nary a problem and seems to be handling his busier than usual schedule with ease. I'm having a heck of a good time watching both my kids figure it all out.
And the bonus? It's been lovely to realize that this new phase for the children translates into a new phase for my marriage. We have a little more freedom and flexibility than we've had for the last 12 years. Our date nights of pizza and a rented movie were great, but it's even nicer to enjoy our increasing opportunities for dates outside the walls of our house. Thankfully, we still really enjoy each others company after all these years. The kids keep us busy, but it's a different kind of busy. And I think Erik and I have always done a good job of keeping our marriage at the center of things.
So I will delight in the birth of my new niece, and continue to crack up over Ellis's toddler escapades - but only as an Aunt. In my own family, it's time to squarely plant my feet in the next stage of life. Yet another reason I'm really loving my 40's!
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