My younger sister is due with her second child in about 6 weeks. It's been fun listening to her pregnancy stories and talking about the new baby that's on the way. She came to visit with her 15th month old over the summer and Erik and I had a blast watching little Ellis and remembering what our kids were like at that age. I have to say it made me wistful. I remember the magic of being pregnant and all the excitement that came with it. There is a sense of endless possibilities, as you dream about what your child will be like and what he or she will become, and what your family will grow to be like. Then they are born and you brave the initial months of sleepless nights and utter exhaustion and are rewarded with sweet smiles, cuddles, and then first words, first steps, and the joy of watching your child figure out the world during the toddler years and crack you up during the pre school years. For many of us, we are blessed to have more than one child and can enjoy these phases more than once.
After Jayson was born I didn't think I would have any more but I certainly kept the option open. I was only 32 years of age and felt like I had all the time in the world. By the time he was 3 and 4 years old and the full extent of his special needs began to hit us, I mentally closed the door on more children for good. I simply didn't think I could ever handle another child's needs on top of Jayson's (and Katy's). Fast forward 4 more years and not only are Katy and Jayson doing pretty well, but both just swooned over having their baby cousin Ellis come to stay. One day, Jayson asked, "Mom, when are you going to have another baby so I can be a big brother?". I kind of brushed off his comment until later that night when Erik, after watching Ellis toddle around the house, commented "I know it's just crazy talk but don't you think it would be fun to go back to the circus one more time? Heck, we'd probably be better at it now and do a great job." He was only half serious, but it begged the question: Are Erik and I really ready to say a permanent goodbye to that stage of parenthood?
It seems like it would be an easy decision, but anything that permanent is hard to swallow. No more babies, EVER? No more toothless smiles, funny toddler sayings, first days of preschool - EVER? It's a hard thing to say goodbye to because it's such a magical time. But I'm finding that there is a heck of a lot of magic in the new phase of parenthood (later childhood and adolescence) as well. I find myself marveling at Katy now just as often as I did when she was 2. I love watching how she works through things in her head, how she handles friendships, how she finds her sense of humor, and how she slowly begins to shape her own identity. It's a marvel to behold. And I seem to have blinked and missed something because somehow my son seems to be growing up as well. He spends just as much time telling me he wants to do things by himself ("Don't help me, Mom!") as he does asking me for snacks (he still can't slice up his own apples). He still struggles tremendously with social issues, but sometimes I catch just a little glimpse of what he's going to be like when he gets a little older and it's truly exciting. And every new experience gobsmacks me - whether it's joining a football team, or telling me with absolute certainty that he will be going to sleepaway camp in Michigan with Katy this summer. He transitioned into 3rd grade with nary a problem and seems to be handling his busier than usual schedule with ease. I'm having a heck of a good time watching both my kids figure it all out.
And the bonus? It's been lovely to realize that this new phase for the children translates into a new phase for my marriage. We have a little more freedom and flexibility than we've had for the last 12 years. Our date nights of pizza and a rented movie were great, but it's even nicer to enjoy our increasing opportunities for dates outside the walls of our house. Thankfully, we still really enjoy each others company after all these years. The kids keep us busy, but it's a different kind of busy. And I think Erik and I have always done a good job of keeping our marriage at the center of things.
So I will delight in the birth of my new niece, and continue to crack up over Ellis's toddler escapades - but only as an Aunt. In my own family, it's time to squarely plant my feet in the next stage of life. Yet another reason I'm really loving my 40's!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Hitting My Stride
So I've been working hard on changing my running form lately. Some of you may have seen me around town wearing these absolutely ridiculous looking Vibram shoes (they look like gloves for your feet - with toes and everything. Gross.). I've been wearing them to strengthen my calf muscles and achilles tendons and to start forcing me to land on the balls of my feet when I run and walk. You see, most of us who have been wearing supportive and cushiony shoes our whole lives have developed a heel to toe running gait. Over time, this puts tremendous stress on your knees and hips and promotes injury. Apparently, striking the pavement with your forefoot first is what your body wants to do naturally. By developing a mid foot strike, I will most likely greatly reduce my aches and pains and be able to continue running injury free for a good, long time (after all, I have a good shot of winning my age group in a marathon some day if I'm the only 80 year old that signed up!).
But you know what? It's hard to change my habits. I've been running in my beloved Brooks Glycerins with all their cushioned glory for almost a year now. They carried me through a 1/2 marathon, 500 miles of marathon training, the marathon itself, and most of my summer running. I've felt comfortable with my heel to toe running form and I've been pretty successful and injury free, so why change? If it aint broke, don't fix it, right??
But therein lies the problem. Sometimes we don't know things are broken until it's too late. We develop habits and routines in life that carry us through "just fine" and we continue to muddle through day after day, year after year. We do it with our eating, our parenting, our friendships, our jobs, our spending habits, our interactions with others, our political views, and our world views. We can go on for years believing that everything is working for us just fine, ignoring those tiny little twinges of discomfort that pop up in the background. Then we begin to hear alternative ways of doing things, and of thinking about things and we put our hands over our ears and say "No thanks, I have it all figured out!" And we refuse to even listen to other ideas - because it's so hard to even consider the fact that we might be "doing it wrong".
Well I"m not afraid to listen to other ideas and theories. And at 40 years old I'm confident enough in myself to discern which ideas are worth consideration and which ideas are absolute bunk. But we are missing out on personal growth if we keep putting our hands over our ears, blocking out the rest of the world, and never even considering the viewpoints of others. I'm sure I'll see a lot of this play out on Facebook as the fall Presidential election gets closer.
I remember seeing a barefoot runner at my first half marathon. I thought this girl was an absolute loon as she patiently explained to me why running barefoot was actually better for your body. I dismissed her almost immediately and inwardly rolled my eyes. Now almost a year later I'm warming to the ideas behind barefoot running and going shopping for my first pair of minimalist running shoes (because hell will literally freeze over before you see me out there in actual bare feet. Ugh!). You see? It's never too late to consider ideas different from your own. And who knows? You may just end up in better shape for it. So in the mean time I'll continue to work on the new running form, and continue to work on hitting my stride - both on the road and off of it...
But you know what? It's hard to change my habits. I've been running in my beloved Brooks Glycerins with all their cushioned glory for almost a year now. They carried me through a 1/2 marathon, 500 miles of marathon training, the marathon itself, and most of my summer running. I've felt comfortable with my heel to toe running form and I've been pretty successful and injury free, so why change? If it aint broke, don't fix it, right??
But therein lies the problem. Sometimes we don't know things are broken until it's too late. We develop habits and routines in life that carry us through "just fine" and we continue to muddle through day after day, year after year. We do it with our eating, our parenting, our friendships, our jobs, our spending habits, our interactions with others, our political views, and our world views. We can go on for years believing that everything is working for us just fine, ignoring those tiny little twinges of discomfort that pop up in the background. Then we begin to hear alternative ways of doing things, and of thinking about things and we put our hands over our ears and say "No thanks, I have it all figured out!" And we refuse to even listen to other ideas - because it's so hard to even consider the fact that we might be "doing it wrong".
Well I"m not afraid to listen to other ideas and theories. And at 40 years old I'm confident enough in myself to discern which ideas are worth consideration and which ideas are absolute bunk. But we are missing out on personal growth if we keep putting our hands over our ears, blocking out the rest of the world, and never even considering the viewpoints of others. I'm sure I'll see a lot of this play out on Facebook as the fall Presidential election gets closer.
I remember seeing a barefoot runner at my first half marathon. I thought this girl was an absolute loon as she patiently explained to me why running barefoot was actually better for your body. I dismissed her almost immediately and inwardly rolled my eyes. Now almost a year later I'm warming to the ideas behind barefoot running and going shopping for my first pair of minimalist running shoes (because hell will literally freeze over before you see me out there in actual bare feet. Ugh!). You see? It's never too late to consider ideas different from your own. And who knows? You may just end up in better shape for it. So in the mean time I'll continue to work on the new running form, and continue to work on hitting my stride - both on the road and off of it...
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Thank You, Summer....
As usual, I am completely surprised when August hits and I have to come to terms with the fact that my kids will be starting school in a short amount of time (2nd week of August, really???). Admittedly, the school supply shopping is done, backpacks are ready, and nighttime bedtime routines are already being put into place. But I still don't feel ready. The start of a new school year is always tricky in my family, as Jayson is forced into a major transition - never a smooth thing for him. This year will be especially hard since Katy is off to Middle School and thus Jayson will have no one watching out for him on the bus or in the hallways of elementary school. He will truly be on his own this year, and while I'm thankful for the handful of kids I've handpicked to be his safety net in his class, I'm not totally convinced this year will go smoothly for him socially. We shall see...
So before I send Jayson back into the lions den and Katy into a whole new world, I wanted to take a minute and reflect on what was a wonderful summer. Here is my list of all I am thankful for...
1. Thank you, summer, for all our little mini trips. Strands couldn't budget in a big family vacation this year so we are thankful for the little side trips we were able to take to Sheboygan to visit my friend Holly and pick strawberries, and to Iowa to visit my sister and celebrate baby Ellis's first birthday. We are also thankful for our Great America trip, which is always a big hit every year.
2. Thank you, summer, for new opportunities. Katy conquered overnight camp and Jayson had a blast at day camp. Jayson also conquered football conditioning, which was certainly a new experience!
3. Thank you, summer, for baseball. I can't begin to express my gratefulness at the new bonding opportunities I've had with my son this summer over baseball. Our trip to Wrigley for Jay's first Cubs game is one of the highlights of my life.
4. Thank you, summer for new friends. I was so worried that Jayson would be alone this summer but that was far from the case. He enjoyed endless playdates with the nicest boys. I'm so very grateful that we've found some boys who accept Jayson and all his issues. I'm also thankful for old friends. Our across the street neighbors are a continual source of support for our whole family. What a blessing.
5. Thank you, summer, for heat. Our pool has never been busier, and more refreshing.
6. Thank you, summer, for early morning runs. My core group of 4 running friends has been a sanity saver all summer. I've cherished each and every 5:30 AM meeting this summer - even in the heat. Bring on the next race in September!!
7. Thank you, summer, for helping my daughter grow. This has been an instrumental summer for my 11 year old. She has had a wonderful time with friends new and old, and has really started to come into her own. She is as ready for Middle School as she'll ever be!
8. Thank you, summer, for all the happiness radiating from my children. They have both enjoyed themselves immensely - and I can't ask for anything more than that.
9. Thank you, summer, for new opportunities for my husband. A brand new job and an adventurous missions trip to Haiti certainly kept him on his toes.
10. And finally, thank you, summer, for just being there. These times with our children are fleeting. I will blink and soon summer will mean nothing because my kids will be grown and there will be no need to mark the time in between school years. I am so grateful that, for now, summer vacation still means something.
Hope everyone had as nice of a summer as the Strands did. Say a prayer for a successful school year for my monkeys. Let my stress begin...
So before I send Jayson back into the lions den and Katy into a whole new world, I wanted to take a minute and reflect on what was a wonderful summer. Here is my list of all I am thankful for...
1. Thank you, summer, for all our little mini trips. Strands couldn't budget in a big family vacation this year so we are thankful for the little side trips we were able to take to Sheboygan to visit my friend Holly and pick strawberries, and to Iowa to visit my sister and celebrate baby Ellis's first birthday. We are also thankful for our Great America trip, which is always a big hit every year.
2. Thank you, summer, for new opportunities. Katy conquered overnight camp and Jayson had a blast at day camp. Jayson also conquered football conditioning, which was certainly a new experience!
3. Thank you, summer, for baseball. I can't begin to express my gratefulness at the new bonding opportunities I've had with my son this summer over baseball. Our trip to Wrigley for Jay's first Cubs game is one of the highlights of my life.
4. Thank you, summer for new friends. I was so worried that Jayson would be alone this summer but that was far from the case. He enjoyed endless playdates with the nicest boys. I'm so very grateful that we've found some boys who accept Jayson and all his issues. I'm also thankful for old friends. Our across the street neighbors are a continual source of support for our whole family. What a blessing.
5. Thank you, summer, for heat. Our pool has never been busier, and more refreshing.
6. Thank you, summer, for early morning runs. My core group of 4 running friends has been a sanity saver all summer. I've cherished each and every 5:30 AM meeting this summer - even in the heat. Bring on the next race in September!!
7. Thank you, summer, for helping my daughter grow. This has been an instrumental summer for my 11 year old. She has had a wonderful time with friends new and old, and has really started to come into her own. She is as ready for Middle School as she'll ever be!
8. Thank you, summer, for all the happiness radiating from my children. They have both enjoyed themselves immensely - and I can't ask for anything more than that.
9. Thank you, summer, for new opportunities for my husband. A brand new job and an adventurous missions trip to Haiti certainly kept him on his toes.
10. And finally, thank you, summer, for just being there. These times with our children are fleeting. I will blink and soon summer will mean nothing because my kids will be grown and there will be no need to mark the time in between school years. I am so grateful that, for now, summer vacation still means something.
Hope everyone had as nice of a summer as the Strands did. Say a prayer for a successful school year for my monkeys. Let my stress begin...
Monday, July 16, 2012
Hey Chicago, What Do You Say???
One of the more frustrating aspects of raising a child on the autism spectrum is putting up with their obsessions. Many spectrum children fixate on something and can't seem to get away from talking about anything else. In the past, we have had to deal with Jayson's obsessions with clock times, Max and Ruby (Lord help me that was a brutal one), Transformers, and Spongebob. The cartoon obsessions are especially annoying because they tend to also produce what is referred to as "scripted speech", where Jayson really only talks to us using lines from the TV shows or movies he is watching. This can get frustrating for his peers, who can't understand why he says the same things over and over again, but it is especially frustrating for me since I usually have no frame of reference for, or any remote interest in, whatever he is obsessing over.
Until now. You see, Jayson has a new obsession that has been gaining power for the last few months. Ironically, it's also an obsession that consumed his own mother way back when she was 12 years old. My son has fallen head over heels in love with the Chicago Cubs and all things baseball. Now I don't have autism spectrum disorder, but I did catch Cubs fever back in 1984. I was a scrawny and geeky girl who got swept away in all the excitement of the 1984 team. I never missed a game and soon had memorized batting averages for all my favorite players like Jody Davis, Ryne Sandberg, and Bobby Dernier. All my spare change would go into my pocket and I would ride my bike all over town to different stores to buy baseball cards. At any given time I could tell you the MLB standings for both the American and National League teams, and knew the difference between a curve ball, slider, fastball, and breaking ball. And you know what? I drove everyone around me absolutely batty (no pun intended).
The obsession stuck around for quite awhile, at various levels of severity. My heart was broken by that 1984 team (I still hate you, Steve Garvey and the rest of you stupid San Diego Padres), and later by that 1989 team (still love you, though, Mark Grace). But I was growing older and my life was full of other activities such as college and my career and so I kept my love of the Cubs, but dialed back the obsession. In 2003 I let a little bit creep back since I was CONVINCED that was "our year". Well everyone knows the end of that story (I'm talking to you, Bartman) and the devastating, yet classic, collapse of our World Series hopes and dreams. After that, I decided for the sake of my sanity, to mentally detach from the Chicago Cubs. I barely followed them for the next 9 years. Until this year. With Jayson's latest obsession has come a reawakening of my own. And for one of the first times, I feel a REAL connection to my son. We can talk endlessly about baseball terms, players, team standings, etc. and I don't have to feign enthusiasm. The first thing we do every morning is check the Cubs home page for video highlights and we watch them together with equal delight.
And this past weekend brought the most exciting event we've had in some time - Jayson's first trip to Wrigley Field. As we approached the ballpark on Clark Street I said to Jayson "There it is!" and I watched as his eyes got as big as saucers. I have VERY vivid memories of my first game at Wrigley Field (left field bleachers, Steve Trout was pitching), and now I have a wonderful shared memory of Jayson's first game (left field terrace, Ryan Dempster pitching). I will never forget his face as he not only saw the field for the first time, but even got to walk down onto it and see the ballplayers. I will never forget the joyful reaction he had when Ryan Dempster emerged to warm up in the bullpen. I will cherish how excited he became as each player came out - "Mom!! There he is!! Starlin Castro!! Mom!!!!! It's Anthony Rizzo!! Look!!! There's Darwin Barney!!!! It's Geovany Soto!!!!" and on and on and on. He almost leaped out of his seat when Dempster and Johnson successfully bunted (his favorite baseball play) and got absolutely giddy as the seventh inning approached and we all stood up to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (we had been practicing for weeks...) He watched every pitch and every play intently, and so did I. And when the Cubs won on a double play in the ninth inning, I watched him get overcome with emotion as he sang "Go Cubs Go" with 38,000 other fans, and realized that they really did raise a "W" flag every time the Cubs were victorious. I think it might have been one of the greatest days of his life - I know it ranks highly as one of mine.
So I will cherish this latest obsession of Jayson's and hope it sticks around for awhile. I am enjoying this wonderful connection we have together and I'm thankful that my 12 year old self was smart enough to become nutty over something that would make me a better mother to a very special boy 28 years later. Autism is a great example of life throwing you a curveball. But sometimes, you hit those curveballs right out of the park. Home Run, indeed.
Until now. You see, Jayson has a new obsession that has been gaining power for the last few months. Ironically, it's also an obsession that consumed his own mother way back when she was 12 years old. My son has fallen head over heels in love with the Chicago Cubs and all things baseball. Now I don't have autism spectrum disorder, but I did catch Cubs fever back in 1984. I was a scrawny and geeky girl who got swept away in all the excitement of the 1984 team. I never missed a game and soon had memorized batting averages for all my favorite players like Jody Davis, Ryne Sandberg, and Bobby Dernier. All my spare change would go into my pocket and I would ride my bike all over town to different stores to buy baseball cards. At any given time I could tell you the MLB standings for both the American and National League teams, and knew the difference between a curve ball, slider, fastball, and breaking ball. And you know what? I drove everyone around me absolutely batty (no pun intended).
The obsession stuck around for quite awhile, at various levels of severity. My heart was broken by that 1984 team (I still hate you, Steve Garvey and the rest of you stupid San Diego Padres), and later by that 1989 team (still love you, though, Mark Grace). But I was growing older and my life was full of other activities such as college and my career and so I kept my love of the Cubs, but dialed back the obsession. In 2003 I let a little bit creep back since I was CONVINCED that was "our year". Well everyone knows the end of that story (I'm talking to you, Bartman) and the devastating, yet classic, collapse of our World Series hopes and dreams. After that, I decided for the sake of my sanity, to mentally detach from the Chicago Cubs. I barely followed them for the next 9 years. Until this year. With Jayson's latest obsession has come a reawakening of my own. And for one of the first times, I feel a REAL connection to my son. We can talk endlessly about baseball terms, players, team standings, etc. and I don't have to feign enthusiasm. The first thing we do every morning is check the Cubs home page for video highlights and we watch them together with equal delight.
And this past weekend brought the most exciting event we've had in some time - Jayson's first trip to Wrigley Field. As we approached the ballpark on Clark Street I said to Jayson "There it is!" and I watched as his eyes got as big as saucers. I have VERY vivid memories of my first game at Wrigley Field (left field bleachers, Steve Trout was pitching), and now I have a wonderful shared memory of Jayson's first game (left field terrace, Ryan Dempster pitching). I will never forget his face as he not only saw the field for the first time, but even got to walk down onto it and see the ballplayers. I will never forget the joyful reaction he had when Ryan Dempster emerged to warm up in the bullpen. I will cherish how excited he became as each player came out - "Mom!! There he is!! Starlin Castro!! Mom!!!!! It's Anthony Rizzo!! Look!!! There's Darwin Barney!!!! It's Geovany Soto!!!!" and on and on and on. He almost leaped out of his seat when Dempster and Johnson successfully bunted (his favorite baseball play) and got absolutely giddy as the seventh inning approached and we all stood up to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (we had been practicing for weeks...) He watched every pitch and every play intently, and so did I. And when the Cubs won on a double play in the ninth inning, I watched him get overcome with emotion as he sang "Go Cubs Go" with 38,000 other fans, and realized that they really did raise a "W" flag every time the Cubs were victorious. I think it might have been one of the greatest days of his life - I know it ranks highly as one of mine.
So I will cherish this latest obsession of Jayson's and hope it sticks around for awhile. I am enjoying this wonderful connection we have together and I'm thankful that my 12 year old self was smart enough to become nutty over something that would make me a better mother to a very special boy 28 years later. Autism is a great example of life throwing you a curveball. But sometimes, you hit those curveballs right out of the park. Home Run, indeed.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
A Most Disturbing Trend...
A few weeks ago Katy and her friend watched a movie at our house called "CyberBully". It was a very realistic and fairly graphic depiction of how bad bullying can get when you can hide behind a computer screen and say whatever you want. Katy isn't on Facebook but she does have an iPod and I do let her go on Instagram, where she mainly stays connected with girls on her ice skating team. We have had some talks about why you don't let people follow you if they don't know you, and we've also discussed many times that whatever you put online can be seen by many more people than you may think (even if you eventually delete them - someone has probably already seen it). I've pointed out stupid things people have posted on Facebook so she can see firsthand the impression others can have of you by what you post online. While I'd love to keep Katy in a bubble forever, the truth is that she is going to grow up in an online world that connects through social media. I'd rather teach her how to use it responsibly than stick my head in the sand and hope she uses a slate and abacus for the rest of her life.
So needless to say, I've been trying to find teachable moments regarding social media for her and I to discuss. Low and behold, I stumbled across something that made my skin crawl, my blood boil, and my heart break. Apparently kids think it's a good idea to post pictures of themselves and then ask the online world if they think they are pretty/handsome. Since most kids decide to friend everyone who requests them (really, do you have 2000 friends? I think not...) they get a ton of responses, most of them crude, disrespectful, and downright demeaning. These pictures and comments then get shared all over the internet so the entire world can witness a young girl or boy get their self esteem totally trampled on. I have personally read at least 10 different comment threads on 10 different pictures that showed up on MY Facebook news ticker in the last 3 hours. I'm not even friends with that many teenagers, and the teens I am friends with are basically good kids! It's astounding how fast these threads spread beyond teen's immediate social circle.
Seriously, what the heck people?? Why do kids feel the need to subject themselves to this? What can we do about it, other than talk to our own children and hope they don't follow along with the crowd? Social media is here to stay, but we parents better figure out a way to teach our kids to be more responsible. Of course, that may be impossible considering some of the online behavior I've witnessed from adults. Just go to any news article and read the comment thread below it. People get pretty brave when they can hide behind an anonymous screen name. I love Facebook, and I love the internet, but I also love my self esteem and the self esteem of my children. Let's hope this disturbing trend bites the dust sooner rather than later - for the sake of our children and ourselves...
So needless to say, I've been trying to find teachable moments regarding social media for her and I to discuss. Low and behold, I stumbled across something that made my skin crawl, my blood boil, and my heart break. Apparently kids think it's a good idea to post pictures of themselves and then ask the online world if they think they are pretty/handsome. Since most kids decide to friend everyone who requests them (really, do you have 2000 friends? I think not...) they get a ton of responses, most of them crude, disrespectful, and downright demeaning. These pictures and comments then get shared all over the internet so the entire world can witness a young girl or boy get their self esteem totally trampled on. I have personally read at least 10 different comment threads on 10 different pictures that showed up on MY Facebook news ticker in the last 3 hours. I'm not even friends with that many teenagers, and the teens I am friends with are basically good kids! It's astounding how fast these threads spread beyond teen's immediate social circle.
Seriously, what the heck people?? Why do kids feel the need to subject themselves to this? What can we do about it, other than talk to our own children and hope they don't follow along with the crowd? Social media is here to stay, but we parents better figure out a way to teach our kids to be more responsible. Of course, that may be impossible considering some of the online behavior I've witnessed from adults. Just go to any news article and read the comment thread below it. People get pretty brave when they can hide behind an anonymous screen name. I love Facebook, and I love the internet, but I also love my self esteem and the self esteem of my children. Let's hope this disturbing trend bites the dust sooner rather than later - for the sake of our children and ourselves...
Thursday, June 28, 2012
No More GPS...
Most of us can admit we are addicted to our gadgets. Whether it is a cell phone, or an iPod, or a laptop, our society is quickly becoming very tethered to our technology. We feel naked and lost without it, even going so far to think we cannot function without being plugged in. I admit I'm guilty of this sometimes. Erik got me an iPhone not too long ago and I have fallen in love with it. How can you not love a gadget that will refer to you as "Queen of England"? (Thanks, Siri!).
When I was marathon training I was completely addicted to my Garmin GPS watch. I would religiously watch my pace and wouldn't dare go too fast (even if I felt I could), lest I injure myself. I would set the watch to beep at certain intervals so I could stop and refuel and would adhere to those beeps like my life depended on it. I truly could not run without the watch. After the marathon was finished I decided to scale back the intensity of my running routine. I'm still going 4 days a week, but I keep the mileage between 20 and 25 miles so as not to pound my poor body into oblivion. I also decided to take the pressure off myself by putting away my Garmin watch, and set off on my runs "blind", letting my body dictate the pace it could handle. After a few weeks of running without the watch a funny thing began to happen - I got better. That's right, I became a better runner without the technology. I'm able to run longer in between water breaks, and my pace has gotten faster and faster. Without the watch warning me to slow down, I've shaved nearly 10 minutes off my 10 mile run time - and I feel fantastic. It is freeing to trust my own instincts and realize that my body and mind know what they are doing.
So that got me thinking. When I stopped relying on the watch to tell me what to do and relied on my own instinct, I got faster and stronger. What if I finally started to apply this to other areas of my life? For nearly 40 years I have sought out the opinions of others on just about every subject. I have compared my parenting styles and life choices to those around me, and always feared I was "doing it wrong", looking to others to show me what to do. But in the past year I have realized that I'm doing just fine, thank you. I'm starting to have more confidence in my decisions, even when they are radically different from those around me. You see, I don't need our culture's GPS to show me where to go. I feel good knowing that my heart and mind have it's own directional system, and I'm relying on it more and more. And you know what? It's just as freeing as my running has become. And it's making me just as strong and just as healthy. Sure I'll make some wrong decisions, but that's part of life and part of learning how to grow.
So trust your instincts, folks. Deep down you probably know the right answers to the questions you are asking yourself. Don't be afraid if they don't match the rest of the world's GPS. Sometimes, all that technology isn't all it's cracked up to be. Except for Siri, of course. She's just too much fun! See you out there on road of life...
When I was marathon training I was completely addicted to my Garmin GPS watch. I would religiously watch my pace and wouldn't dare go too fast (even if I felt I could), lest I injure myself. I would set the watch to beep at certain intervals so I could stop and refuel and would adhere to those beeps like my life depended on it. I truly could not run without the watch. After the marathon was finished I decided to scale back the intensity of my running routine. I'm still going 4 days a week, but I keep the mileage between 20 and 25 miles so as not to pound my poor body into oblivion. I also decided to take the pressure off myself by putting away my Garmin watch, and set off on my runs "blind", letting my body dictate the pace it could handle. After a few weeks of running without the watch a funny thing began to happen - I got better. That's right, I became a better runner without the technology. I'm able to run longer in between water breaks, and my pace has gotten faster and faster. Without the watch warning me to slow down, I've shaved nearly 10 minutes off my 10 mile run time - and I feel fantastic. It is freeing to trust my own instincts and realize that my body and mind know what they are doing.
So that got me thinking. When I stopped relying on the watch to tell me what to do and relied on my own instinct, I got faster and stronger. What if I finally started to apply this to other areas of my life? For nearly 40 years I have sought out the opinions of others on just about every subject. I have compared my parenting styles and life choices to those around me, and always feared I was "doing it wrong", looking to others to show me what to do. But in the past year I have realized that I'm doing just fine, thank you. I'm starting to have more confidence in my decisions, even when they are radically different from those around me. You see, I don't need our culture's GPS to show me where to go. I feel good knowing that my heart and mind have it's own directional system, and I'm relying on it more and more. And you know what? It's just as freeing as my running has become. And it's making me just as strong and just as healthy. Sure I'll make some wrong decisions, but that's part of life and part of learning how to grow.
So trust your instincts, folks. Deep down you probably know the right answers to the questions you are asking yourself. Don't be afraid if they don't match the rest of the world's GPS. Sometimes, all that technology isn't all it's cracked up to be. Except for Siri, of course. She's just too much fun! See you out there on road of life...
Thursday, June 14, 2012
A Letter to my Son
A few months ago I wrote a blog post in the form of a letter to my daughter. While I ended up showing it to her, it was more of a way to help me clarify some things she was struggling with and figure out how to help her through them. This Saturday my son Jayson turns 8 years old. I thought this would be a great time to write a letter to him. However, this one probably won't be shared with him, and even if it was, he would probably have a very hard time comprehending it. After all, one of the cruelest things Autism takes away from an individual is their ability to have deep, emotional conversations with others. While this letter may be one sided, it is as heartfelt as the one written to his sister. And while it is addressed to him, I invite everyone to read it. The more people understand what life is like for Jayson, the more people will hopefully open up their hearts a bit more, and have a little more grace and patience. For him, grace and patience from others might be the best birthday gift of all...
Dear Jayson,
I simply cannot believe 8 years have gone by since you were born. It has been the largest roller coaster ride of my life - filled with joy, sheer terror, excitement, anticipation, and, yes, some nausea. I think back to what a happy and silly little toddler you were and my heart fills with joy. Then I think back to the "dark days" when we began to recognize your struggles and finally put a name to them, and my heart fills with sadness. But many years have passed since those dark days. Quite honestly, if anyone would have asked me back then if I thought you would be like you are today I would have sadly said they were crazy. I simply could not imagine that things would have gotten better.
But they have. They HAVE gotten better. And I couldn't be more proud of all you have accomplished in 8 years. Things other 8 year olds and their parents simply take for granted. With you, I take NOTHING for granted. And while there are days when my heart breaks into a million pieces, those days are fewer and farther between. But I recognize the struggles you have and know that you face some serious challenges as you get older. Here are some pieces of advice:
1. It's more than OK to be a little different. It's taken me 40 years to realize that the bill of goods our culture tries to sell you is a crock of hooey. Don't worry about fitting into everyone else's mold of "normal". It's OK if you are quirky and odd and into your obsessions. Chances are, someday you will find a group of kids that are also odd and quirky and you can flourish with them. I'm pretty sure that's what Bill Gates did.
2. Know your limitations. You and I haven't had "the talk" yet. I know we haven't discussed the big A word and put a name and label on your behavior. That day is fast approaching, though. We have, however, talked at length about how your brain is "different". We have talked about why it's so hard for you when you get upset, why it's hard when you don't understand jokes that everyone else thinks is funny, and why it's not a good idea to talk about the same things over and over again with other people. I've told you that your brain might take longer to understand what you've read in school and that you might not always understand how others are feeling. As you get older, the important thing is to remember what your struggles are, and to try and come up with some strategies to cope. We've already started with strategies on what to do when other kids hurt your feelings. It's going to be my job to come up with more strategies and your job to learn them and make them a part of your life.
3. Don't bother with mean kids. I have watched you with a broken heart this year get manipulated and made fun of by others. You are often too naive to even realize it is happening, but I notice it and I hate it. But I can't hover over you forever so you are going to have to figure out who the good kids are on your own. I"m so grateful you've managed to make some new friends this year who seem to be a great match for you. Always remember that you don't have to be the most popular kid (those kids are often popular for the wrong reasons), you just have to find a few good friends that you are comfortable with. But also realize that it's hard to be your friend, and takes a pretty special kid to put up with you sometimes. You are a bit rigid with your thinking and often want to do things ONLY ONE WAY!! You also have a tendency to talk about the same things over and over again. While I don't mind listening to the teams in the American League for the 30th time, other kids get bored. Let's work on that one a little bit, shall we? But I sincerely hope that kids learn to give you some grace, because you are a hell of a sweet kid and you can be an absolute riot sometimes. My biggest prayer for you is that you find a nice group of friends (and a wife, someday, but let's not get ahead of ourselves...).
4. Take some breaks. I know you get overwhelmed easily. I know when you get tired, or you have to socialize a lot, or have to concentrate really hard, it can overtax your brain. It's OK to take some breaks and have your "alone time". And if others don't understand that, too bad. As your mom, I have learned to say "no" to things that will bring too much chaos into our days. You are allowed to do the same.
5. Keep up your good habits. Jayson, you are one of the hardest working kids I know. I don't know many 8 year olds who do their homework EVERY day (even in the summer) without complaint. You practice your karate EVERY day. You read EVERY night. I'm so proud of how hard you work. I know it's exhausting, and I know it's sometimes frustrating. But you do it and it makes a difference. You may not be the smartest kid going into third grade, but darn it, you are certainly holding your own. And in the fall you will most likely earn your yellow belt in karate. You can be SO proud of sticking with something for this long and working so hard, even thought it takes you longer than some other kids. Your victories are so much sweeter because they are harder to achieve.
Jayson, so many people simply don't understand you. You seem like every other 8 year old on the outside, when inside the world is such a jumble of confusion for you. As a result, you try to make sense of the world in the only way you know how, and others just don't quite get where you are coming from. But if you always remember your manners and treat others nicely, work on your limitations and use those coping strategies, make a few friends with some super nice and understanding kids, and keep working hard, you are going to do just fine. It won't be easy for you, but you will be OK. I love you more than words can say and thank God for you every day. I thank God for all the support He has put in our lives to cope with big A. But I am most thankful for you and how you have changed me for the better. Happy Happy Birthday, Jayson. May you get the biggest slice of cake, lots of Bears and Cubs stuff, and have a wonderful time with your friends at your party.
I love you,
Mom
Dear Jayson,
I simply cannot believe 8 years have gone by since you were born. It has been the largest roller coaster ride of my life - filled with joy, sheer terror, excitement, anticipation, and, yes, some nausea. I think back to what a happy and silly little toddler you were and my heart fills with joy. Then I think back to the "dark days" when we began to recognize your struggles and finally put a name to them, and my heart fills with sadness. But many years have passed since those dark days. Quite honestly, if anyone would have asked me back then if I thought you would be like you are today I would have sadly said they were crazy. I simply could not imagine that things would have gotten better.
But they have. They HAVE gotten better. And I couldn't be more proud of all you have accomplished in 8 years. Things other 8 year olds and their parents simply take for granted. With you, I take NOTHING for granted. And while there are days when my heart breaks into a million pieces, those days are fewer and farther between. But I recognize the struggles you have and know that you face some serious challenges as you get older. Here are some pieces of advice:
1. It's more than OK to be a little different. It's taken me 40 years to realize that the bill of goods our culture tries to sell you is a crock of hooey. Don't worry about fitting into everyone else's mold of "normal". It's OK if you are quirky and odd and into your obsessions. Chances are, someday you will find a group of kids that are also odd and quirky and you can flourish with them. I'm pretty sure that's what Bill Gates did.
2. Know your limitations. You and I haven't had "the talk" yet. I know we haven't discussed the big A word and put a name and label on your behavior. That day is fast approaching, though. We have, however, talked at length about how your brain is "different". We have talked about why it's so hard for you when you get upset, why it's hard when you don't understand jokes that everyone else thinks is funny, and why it's not a good idea to talk about the same things over and over again with other people. I've told you that your brain might take longer to understand what you've read in school and that you might not always understand how others are feeling. As you get older, the important thing is to remember what your struggles are, and to try and come up with some strategies to cope. We've already started with strategies on what to do when other kids hurt your feelings. It's going to be my job to come up with more strategies and your job to learn them and make them a part of your life.
3. Don't bother with mean kids. I have watched you with a broken heart this year get manipulated and made fun of by others. You are often too naive to even realize it is happening, but I notice it and I hate it. But I can't hover over you forever so you are going to have to figure out who the good kids are on your own. I"m so grateful you've managed to make some new friends this year who seem to be a great match for you. Always remember that you don't have to be the most popular kid (those kids are often popular for the wrong reasons), you just have to find a few good friends that you are comfortable with. But also realize that it's hard to be your friend, and takes a pretty special kid to put up with you sometimes. You are a bit rigid with your thinking and often want to do things ONLY ONE WAY!! You also have a tendency to talk about the same things over and over again. While I don't mind listening to the teams in the American League for the 30th time, other kids get bored. Let's work on that one a little bit, shall we? But I sincerely hope that kids learn to give you some grace, because you are a hell of a sweet kid and you can be an absolute riot sometimes. My biggest prayer for you is that you find a nice group of friends (and a wife, someday, but let's not get ahead of ourselves...).
4. Take some breaks. I know you get overwhelmed easily. I know when you get tired, or you have to socialize a lot, or have to concentrate really hard, it can overtax your brain. It's OK to take some breaks and have your "alone time". And if others don't understand that, too bad. As your mom, I have learned to say "no" to things that will bring too much chaos into our days. You are allowed to do the same.
5. Keep up your good habits. Jayson, you are one of the hardest working kids I know. I don't know many 8 year olds who do their homework EVERY day (even in the summer) without complaint. You practice your karate EVERY day. You read EVERY night. I'm so proud of how hard you work. I know it's exhausting, and I know it's sometimes frustrating. But you do it and it makes a difference. You may not be the smartest kid going into third grade, but darn it, you are certainly holding your own. And in the fall you will most likely earn your yellow belt in karate. You can be SO proud of sticking with something for this long and working so hard, even thought it takes you longer than some other kids. Your victories are so much sweeter because they are harder to achieve.
Jayson, so many people simply don't understand you. You seem like every other 8 year old on the outside, when inside the world is such a jumble of confusion for you. As a result, you try to make sense of the world in the only way you know how, and others just don't quite get where you are coming from. But if you always remember your manners and treat others nicely, work on your limitations and use those coping strategies, make a few friends with some super nice and understanding kids, and keep working hard, you are going to do just fine. It won't be easy for you, but you will be OK. I love you more than words can say and thank God for you every day. I thank God for all the support He has put in our lives to cope with big A. But I am most thankful for you and how you have changed me for the better. Happy Happy Birthday, Jayson. May you get the biggest slice of cake, lots of Bears and Cubs stuff, and have a wonderful time with your friends at your party.
I love you,
Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)