Hey Chicago, What Do You Say???

One of the more frustrating aspects of raising a child on the autism spectrum is putting up with their obsessions.  Many spectrum children fixate on something and can't seem to get away from talking about anything else.  In the past, we have had to deal with Jayson's obsessions with clock times, Max and Ruby (Lord help me that was a brutal one), Transformers, and Spongebob.  The cartoon obsessions are especially annoying because they tend to also produce what is referred to as "scripted speech", where Jayson really only talks to us using lines from the TV shows or movies he is watching.  This can get frustrating for his peers, who can't understand why he says the same things over and over again, but it is especially frustrating for me since I usually have no frame of reference for, or any remote interest in, whatever he is obsessing over. 

Until now.  You see, Jayson has a new obsession that has been gaining power for the last few months.  Ironically, it's also an obsession that consumed his own mother way back when she was 12 years old.  My son has fallen head over heels in love with the Chicago Cubs and all things baseball.  Now I don't have autism spectrum disorder, but I did catch Cubs fever back in 1984.  I was a scrawny and geeky girl who got swept away in all the excitement of the 1984 team.  I never missed a game and soon had memorized batting averages for all my favorite players like Jody Davis, Ryne Sandberg, and Bobby Dernier.  All my spare change would go into my pocket and I would ride my bike all over town to different stores to buy baseball cards.  At any given time I could tell you the MLB standings for both the American and National League teams, and knew the difference between a curve ball, slider, fastball, and breaking ball.  And you know what? I drove everyone around me absolutely batty (no pun intended).

The obsession stuck around for quite awhile, at various levels of severity.  My heart was broken by that 1984 team (I still hate you, Steve Garvey and the rest of you stupid San Diego Padres), and later by that 1989 team (still love you, though, Mark Grace).  But I was growing older and my life was full of other activities such as college and my career and so I kept my love of the Cubs, but dialed back the obsession.  In 2003 I let a little bit creep back since I was CONVINCED that was "our year".  Well everyone knows the end of that story (I'm talking to you, Bartman) and the devastating, yet classic, collapse of our World Series hopes and dreams.  After that, I decided for the sake of my sanity, to mentally detach from the Chicago Cubs.  I barely followed them for the next 9 years.  Until this year.  With Jayson's latest obsession has come a reawakening of my own.  And for one of  the first times, I feel a REAL connection to my son.  We can talk endlessly about baseball terms, players, team standings, etc. and I don't have to feign enthusiasm.  The first thing we do every morning is check the Cubs home page for video highlights and we watch them together with equal delight.

And this past weekend brought the most exciting event we've had in some time - Jayson's first trip to Wrigley Field.  As we approached the ballpark on Clark Street I said to Jayson "There it is!" and I watched as his eyes got as big as saucers.  I have VERY vivid memories of my first game at Wrigley Field (left field bleachers, Steve Trout was pitching), and now I have a wonderful shared memory of Jayson's first game (left field terrace, Ryan Dempster pitching).  I will never forget his face as he not only saw the field for the first time, but even got to walk down onto it and see the ballplayers.  I will never forget the joyful reaction he had when Ryan Dempster emerged to warm up in the bullpen.  I will cherish how excited he became as each player came out - "Mom!! There he is!! Starlin Castro!! Mom!!!!! It's Anthony Rizzo!! Look!!! There's Darwin Barney!!!! It's Geovany Soto!!!!" and on and on and on.  He almost leaped out of his seat when Dempster and Johnson successfully bunted (his favorite baseball play) and got absolutely giddy as the seventh inning approached and we all stood up to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (we had been practicing for weeks...)  He watched every pitch and every play intently, and so did I.  And when the Cubs won on a double play in the ninth inning, I watched him get overcome with emotion as he sang "Go Cubs Go" with 38,000 other fans, and realized that they really did raise a "W" flag every time the Cubs were victorious.  I think it might have been one of the greatest days of his life - I know it ranks highly as one of mine.

So I will cherish this latest obsession of Jayson's and hope it sticks around for awhile.  I am enjoying this wonderful connection we have together and I'm thankful that my 12 year old self was smart enough to become nutty over something that would make me a better mother to a very special boy 28 years later.  Autism is a great example of life throwing you a curveball.  But sometimes, you hit those curveballs right out of the park.  Home Run, indeed.

A Most Disturbing Trend...

A few weeks ago Katy and her friend watched a movie at our house called "CyberBully".  It was a very realistic and fairly graphic depiction of how bad bullying can get when you can hide behind a computer screen and say whatever you want.  Katy isn't on Facebook but she does have an iPod and I do let her go on Instagram, where she mainly stays connected with girls on her ice skating team.  We have had some talks about why you don't let people follow you if they don't know you, and we've also discussed many times that whatever you put online can be seen by many more people than you may think (even if you eventually delete them - someone has probably already seen it).  I've pointed out stupid things people have posted on Facebook so she can see firsthand the impression others can have of you by what you post online.  While I'd love to keep Katy in a bubble forever, the truth is that she is going to grow up in an online world that connects through social media.  I'd rather teach her how to use it responsibly than stick my head in the sand and hope she uses a slate and abacus for the rest of her life.

So needless to say, I've been trying to find teachable moments regarding social media for her and I to discuss.  Low and behold, I stumbled across something that made my skin crawl, my blood boil, and my heart break.  Apparently kids think it's a good idea to post pictures of themselves and then ask the online world if they think they are pretty/handsome.  Since most kids decide to friend everyone who requests them (really, do you have 2000 friends? I think not...) they get a ton of responses, most of them crude, disrespectful, and downright demeaning.  These pictures and comments then get shared all over the internet so the entire world can witness a young girl or boy get their self esteem totally trampled on.  I have personally read at least 10 different comment threads on 10 different pictures that showed up on MY Facebook news ticker in the last 3 hours.  I'm not even friends with that many teenagers, and the teens I am friends with are basically good kids!  It's astounding how fast these threads spread beyond teen's immediate social circle.  

Seriously, what the heck people??  Why do kids feel the need to subject themselves to this? What can we do about it, other than talk to our own children and hope they don't follow along with the crowd? Social media is here to stay, but we parents better figure out a way to teach our kids to be more responsible.  Of course, that may be impossible considering some of the online behavior I've witnessed from adults.  Just go to any news article and read the comment thread below it.  People get pretty brave when they can hide behind an anonymous screen name.  I love Facebook, and I love the internet, but I also love my self esteem and the self esteem of my children.  Let's hope this disturbing trend bites the dust sooner rather than later - for the sake of our children and ourselves...