I try hard not to live my life with any regrets, but I have found myself looking back lately and wishing I had done a few things differently. I don't know if it's because I'm watching Katy hit her teenage years with so much potential and choice ahead of her, or if I'm just old and thinking more about my youth. Whatever the reason, I was thinking about the 5 major things I would change if, in the immortal words of Cher, I could turn back time...
1. I would have cared SO MUCH LESS about what others thought of me in high school and college. I had very little self confidence when I was younger. Like many kids, I tried so hard to fit in and be just like the "popular crowd". It wasn't until I was much older and a high school teacher myself that I really saw how much better it was to be unique and true to yourself. The "popular" kids really had their priorities screwed up and cared very little about anything except their own popularity. The kids who had their own uniqueness were truly neat and grew up to be super confident. I try very hard to impress this message on my daughter. Who cares what everyone else is doing and if you measure up to some arbitrary yard stick? Create your own yardstick.
2. I would have chosen a different college. I got very little guidance on how to choose a good school that fit my needs. My parents took me to tour a few college campuses but no one every really sat down and talked to me about what would be the best fit. I applied to 4 very different schools, with no real rhyme or reason involved. In the end, I chose the school that was closest to home because I was scared to venture too far, and I wanted to be close to my boyfriend, who was still in high school. Lame reasons. I ended up at an urban school in the middle of the bad part of Milwaukee. I had some good times there, and certainly got a great education, but never really felt at home. I left that school with only one very good friend that I keep in contact with to this day. On the plus side, I did marry that high school boyfriend - but that probably would have happened no matter where I went to school.
3. I would have traveled abroad. I have seen so little of the world. I was briefly a Spanish major in college but switched to history because I didn't think my parents would spring for a semester in Spain (a requirement for a teaching license back then). Then when I graduated I was too poor to travel. As a teacher, I had a chance to lead a trip to Europe, but turned it down because I was hoping to have kids soon and didn't want to commit to a trip I might not be able to go on. Now at nearly 41 years old, the money just isn't there for fantastic worldly travel adventures. Like most people, mortgages, college savings, and retirement savings eat up whatever surplus might be left. Hopefully one day I'll be able to see all those places I have learned about and taught about.
4. I would have had a completely different wedding. Thankfully, I would have married the same person, but I would not have had the bloated extravaganza that I was talked into by those around me. I was youngish (24) and still trying to find my footing in adulthood. I still followed the crowd and listened to those around me. As a result, I was bogged down for one year making life or death decisions on caligraphied invitations, centerpieces, bridesmaid dresses, and color schemes. What a colossal waste of time and money. I ended up having a wedding where I didn't even know one quarter of the people in attendance. After 16 years I have the wisdom to understand that the marriage is ten times more important than the wedding. It was a nice party, I guess, but the money Erik and I spent on it would have been used more wisely to help with the house or pay off student loans. 10 years later Erik and I renewed our vows in a very simple, heartfelt ceremony with only our close friends and family in attendance. That day is more special to me than my wedding day.
5. I wouldn't have worried about that stupid C section. When I was 34 weeks pregnant with Jayson he was still in a breech position. I became terrified of a C section and tried everything in my power to avoid it - even resorting to having the doctor try to manually turn the baby at 36 weeks. I will never forget watching her literally grab his head through my belly and squeeze while she tried to turn him. It haunts me to this very day. Not only did the procedure not work, leading me to have a C section anyway, but I will forever wonder if Jayson's issues were the result of that pre-birth trauma. C sections are really no big deal. I wish I had been in a state of mind to understand that at the time.
Thankfully, every decision we make helps us grow as a person. I don't think my life was ruined by any one of those things above. If anything, looking back on my regrets helps me clarify what is important to me and shows me how far I've come. I have talked to Katy about many of these things in hopes that she doesn't make the same "mistakes", but I know that even if she avoids my perceived pitfalls, she will make plenty mistakes of her own. That's okay. The greatest lesson in life is that it's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay not to do everything perfectly. Each day brings a new opportunity to start again.
