Resolutions

I don't normally make resolutions.  I feel it just sets me up for failure and who needs that stress right after the holidays?  But this year seems different.  The past year has brought so many changes in me that I think I have naturally been moving towards some new attitudes.  For the first time in a long time, I am starting 2012 with 2 resolutions.  One will be achieved come hell or high water, and the other will probably continue to be a work in progress.

My first resolution is, as you know, to run a marathon.  Training officially started on December 19th, although it has been ramped up since I stuck a 1/2 marathon into the mix next weekend.  I'm feeling pretty darn good about achieving this resolution.  There are surely unseen forces guiding me to success in this goal - how else could we Chicagoans explain temperatures near 50 degrees with no snow or ice to be found in the beginning of January?  Surely God is watching out for me and knows I will need a little divine intervention to make winter training a reality.  Sorry kids - I know you want to go sledding, but Mama has to train for the big 26.2.  We shall see how long this great weather lasts...

My second resolution has been a long time coming and takes on many forms in my life.  This year, and hopefully for the rest of my life, I am going to work harder on cultivating a life of contentment.  On the surface this looks like an easy resolution - how hard is it to be content? In all honesty I think our culture makes contentment darn near impossible.  Walk into any store, watch any TV commercial, go visit a friend with a nicer house than you, listen to someone describe their latest vacation - you get the idea.  There is always something better, something nicer, something more fun "out there".  We are on a constant quest to make our lives perfect, aren't we? If we just had new carpeting, or remodeled the kitchen, or got a new haircut, or found the perfect pair of jeans, or went to Disney World, or or or or or...  

On a consumer level, I think I do a pretty good job.  I avoid stores (and NEVER go to the mall), and rarely get suckered in by the latest and greatest thing (except I really covet an iPad - darn it!!).   I can be blissfully happy with a library book, and a skein of yarn and some knitting needles.  I'm a cheap date.  I usually don't buy clothes until the favorite items I have are beyond repair - and I'm one of the only ladies I know who gets by on 4 pairs of shoes (OK, not including my running shoes).  Anyone who has ever been to my house knows I'm not a slave to home decor.  Although I admire the beautiful homes of other people, I'm pretty happy with the plain and simple house I currently have.  I actually cringe when Erik talks about repainting or buying a picture for the wall.  He is finishing a spare room in the basement for his parents and has asked me a few times how I want to decorate it.  I told him to take the reigns and figure it out for himself - I have no interest.  So perhaps I've cultivated more of a life of avoidance than contentment here - but hey, I AM content. 

But it's the other areas of my life where I find myself trapped.  Our culture not only teaches us to strive for it's version of happiness in the stores, it also woos us into chasing "perfection" in our personal lives and in the lives of our children.  Being busy is worn like a badge of honor in America.  The more friends we have, social engagements on the calendar, activities for our kids, involvement in schools and church, the better.  I want to be more purposeful at this stage in my life deciding what is really necessary to fulfill me and I want my kids to be able to do the same.  This means saying no to things - not because I can't do them, or because I don't like the person who has asked, or even because I don't want to.  I need to start saying no to things that bring too much craziness into our lives.  In other words, I need to be content with less. 

Which brings me to my children.  I was once at a Mom's conference and a speaker uttered the phrase "Comparison kills contentment".  These words have resonated with me time and time again and in the past year this phrase has been ringing in my ears more loudly than ever.  I think this saying is true in many areas of our lives, but it hits me really hard as a parent.  As you know, I have a far from "perfect" son.  He will never be a straight A student, and social awkwardness will continue to bedevil him for the rest of his life.  He may or may not ever excel at athletics (although he can catch and throw a football like nobody's business - I'm just sayin'), and it's unlikely he will be in the "popular" crowd at school.  Nothing is harder than watching Jayson around other kids his age, because I immediately start to (you guessed it) compare, compare, compare.  And the more I compare him the less contentment I feel.  When I pay attention to these emotions, I become more practiced in seeing the gifts and blessings that my son brings to me.  He may not be the best writer in his class, but he loves school and his face lights up when he succeeds.  He may not fly up the ranks in karate very quickly, but when he masters a kata he is SO proud of himself and sets his sights on the next belt.  He may struggle with friendships, but when he finds a child who understands him and accepts him, I can literally see him physically relax and his face radiates with pure joy.  I'd say that brings me a heck of a lot of contentment.  I think Jayson's greatest gift to me is he will force me to let go of our culture's notion of "perfection" and "achievement".  He will never reach it, anyways, so doesn't it make more sense that we redefine those notions and be content with them? In all honesty, reaching our culture's definition of success and achievement and happiness is just plain exhausting anyway. 

I see this with my daughter as well.  Katy is 11 years old and heading straight into the lion's mouth of contentment killing comparison - middle school.  I am hoping she can navigate her way through the jungle and come up with her own definitions of contentment - definitions that don't include the labels on her clothes or what kind of phone she carries.  I hope she can be content with finding a few true friends, rather than chasing the "popular' crowd who never seem stop chasing the idea of perfection.  I think Katy already learned a lesson about contentment just recently with her ice skating.  Katy is on a synchronized skating team and also takes individual lessons.  Skating is a sport that one can really only excel in if they put in the time for coaching and practice.  There are girls she knows that skate 6 days a week for many hours a day - and these girls are, in fact, very good at ice skating.  Probably better than Katy will ever be.  But not only can our family not afford more time on the ice, we are very wary of letting ice skating take over her life.  So we talked to her about what she really loved about the sport and what her goals were.  If she could honestly tell me that she loved it so much she was willing to dedicate the bulk of her time to it, then we would try hard to make that happen.  But Katy told us the best thing about skating was being with her friends.  So we decided to keep her on the synchro team (a relatively cheap way to enjoy the sport of skating), and keep her individual skating to a more reasonable and affordable once a week.  She won't be as good as most girls at that rink to be sure, but I'm pretty sure she's content with that. 

So 2012 will hopefully continue to shape my feelings of contentment.  I'm already finding happiness in much simpler things.  I'm hoping I don't alienate myself too badly from the culture around me.  And I hope I reach that marathon goal in May.  To be honest, I have no time goal.  I'll be CONTENT with just crossing the finish line on my feet and with a pulse.  Happy New Year everyone!