Getting Back in the Saddle Again...

I have not held a paying job in nearly 13 years.  Holy Cow.  How can that be? I swear just yesterday I was in my classroom at Riverside Brookfield High School teaching European history to my students.  Wasn't it just yesterday I was grading essays, planning lessons, and going to sleep exhausted every night?  Well, come to think of it, that last one WAS just yesterday, but I digress...

13 years ago Erik and I made the decision that I should stay home following the birth of our baby.  I was in my 6th year of teaching and I just loved every minute of it.  I knew, however, that part of what made me a great teacher was my ability to put every single bit of myself into my job.  It was no problem to get into school at 6AM and leave at 6 or 7 PM.  I could stay and tutor kids, go to sporting events, and build great relationships with my students.  Time was not an issue, and work was the center of my life.  I feared that I wouldn't be able to balance both a job and a newborn, especially since I knew nothing about babies or being a mother, so once again I put all my time and effort into one thing - this time it was motherhood.  I was still young, still feeling like I had my whole life ahead of me, and still thinking it would be no big deal to "someday" get back to work.  When Jayson was born I figured once he got into first grade I would be able to consider working again.

Well, hoo-ha.  That didn't quite work out.  Jayson's autism spectrum diagnosis put our lives in a bit of a tailspin and I completely put thoughts of working on the back burner.  But you know what? Time marches on.  Kids grow up.  Even kids with special needs.  At 12 and 8, my kids still need me, but they also need to learn to start doing things without me.  And the days that they are in school have become more and more unsettling as the years have progressed.  Sure I've filled my time with a lot of things - I've taken up running, I'm able to get all my errands run, and I spend 2-3 days a week volunteering at the school.  And it's nice to know when the kids get home I'm waiting here with a kiss and a snack, ready to help them with homework, dinner already planned, ready to bring them to sports practice.  It has been my world for nearly 13 years, and it's been a nice world - but I think I'm ready to change that world.  I'm going to blink and another 13 years will have gone by.  My kids will be grown and gone, and who will I be?

But the thought of getting back out there is overwhelming and terrifying.  I have none of the confidence I had way back then.  I don't own any nice work clothes.  Technology is WAY crazier than it was back in 2000.  Heck, for all I know kids have microchips implanted in their heads and teachers just download lessons directly into their brains.  Last time I taught I used an OVERHEAD PROJECTOR for goodness sake!! Do they even make those anymore? Even applying for jobs has overwhelmed me.  Do I consider part time teaching? Subbing? Library?  My would be references are long retired, and for awhile I didn't even know if my license was current or even how to go about finding that out.  The last time I made a resume (1994!!) I listed my experience at Dairy Queen.  Uh, I haven't worked at Dairy Queen in almost 20 years. And if I got a job, how on EARTH would I handle getting Jayson to school? Would I still be able to meet all his needs at home? Would I still be able to handle all the demands of Katy's skating team practices and traveling schedules? I tell you, it's scary.  I'm extremely envious of my working mom friends.  They have mastered that delicate balance beautifully and I am in awe of them.  More and more I want to be like them.

Once upon a time I was a good teacher.  It's been a while, and I may not be up on the latest technology, but I have one thing going for me that I didn't have back then - motherhood.  I have a very different understanding of kids and their development.  I have a VERY different understanding of kids with different learning styles and different social needs.  I have a real appreciation for all the stressors that pre teens and teens face these days.  I have ten times more patience than I had the last time I taught.  And I still have a passionate love for my subject matter.  What I don't have is confidence.  But I have a very supportive husband and very supportive friends who have begun helping me build that back up.  For that I am very grateful.  

So, like running, I'm taking it one step at a time.  Just yesterday I mustered up my courage and called the Illinois state board of education.  What I thought would be an insurmountable task of tracking down my license took all of 5 minutes to solve.  There's one mile marker.  Next I'm going to complete that hellacious application for District 202 and try to get on their sub list.  There's another mile marker, hopefully completed this week.  Then I'll tackle the resume - another mile passed. And perhaps I'll even dip my toes in the waters of actual teaching jobs.  That would be a very momentous mile marker.  Truth be told that last mile might be a little further down the road, but if there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that I can run pretty far down roads.  I'll keep you posted...