Sadly, youth sports can become an untamed beast that quickly grows out of control. We've all heard stories of crazy coaches, even crazier parents, outrageous travel teams, ridiculous costs and schedules, and kids driven to the brink of burnout. Every parent thinks their child is gifted and headed for the pros, and many spend all their time and money making sure their kid has the best of everything. I could go on and on and rant about this subject but that's not what I want to talk about.
You see, we have a much different experience with youth sports with our son, Jayson. Everywhere I look kids are heading to elite travel teams and signing up
for specialty clinics. I often wonder, where do the average and "so so"
kids go? Can't kids play sports just because it's fun? Jayson has been in karate since he was 5, and has recently participated in football and baseball. He is not gifted nor talented in any of these things. Much as I hate to admit it, it's hard to watch the other kids in his karate class progress so much faster, the kids on his football team hit so much harder, and the kids on his baseball team swing the bat more powerfully. But after I take a deep breath and get a grip, it's easy to see how lucky we have been - because Jayson has had incredible experiences with all 3 of these sports thanks to some terrific coaches. And that's when I realize that there's still hope for sanity in youth sports.
Jayson started Karate on the day he turned 5. It was the very first time we attempted any kind of athletic activity. I was a nervous wreck. Jayson was still in a time of his life when meltdowns were common, social skills were dismal, and his attention span was nil. I remember going up to his sensei and talking to him before class started. I told him about Jayson's autism and what might happen. I told him how to handle Jayson if things went south, and I thanked him in advance for his patience. Nearly 4 years later that same man is still Jayson's sensei. He has handled him calmly and patiently, provided tons of encouragement and also gentle butt kicking. Thanks to him, Jayson has moved up 3 belts. He has the confidence to test with hundreds of other kids in front of total strangers. He has memorized 3 katas and has mastered some difficult block and punch combinations. Is he the sharpest one on the floor? No. Is he the most powerful one on the floor? No. Is he good at sparring? Not really. (thank goodness for padding). Will he ever become a black belt? Possibly, but doubtful. But we measure his success in a different way and we are proud of him. I suspect his sensei is proud of him as well. It's not always about being the best.
Jayson's football experience was even better, even though he really didn't have a clue how to play. Erik became an assistant coach so he could keep an eye on how Jayson was interacting with the other players. In the end, we didn't have to worry. The kids really weren't able to talk to each other because they were covered head to toe in padding and protection. All the kids got along fine and the head coach was an absolute dream. He was a perfect example of a positive role model, even asking the ref to call a penalty on one of his OWN players when he made a dirty play. The refs had missed it, but our coach wanted to make a point to the young boys - you play clean or you don't play at all. He even saved a place on the team for twin brothers - one perfectly healthy, the other wheelchair bound with severe physical disabilities. The boy in the wheel chair suited up for every game and coach wheeled him out first when the team took the field. He even gave up the chance at extra points in order to let the boy put the ball on his lap and wheel himself into the end zone. At the end of each game, the boys usually forgot to ask if they won or lost. They just had fun. Those, my friends, are the important lessons to learn in youth sports.
And then we arrived at baseball. I was so excited to have Jayson play, but I was also very nervous. There's A LOT of downtime during a baseball game. Lots of standing around (not a good thing if you have attention issues), and lots of sitting in the dugout (not a good thing if you are awkward with conversations and social interaction). To make matters worse, Erik wasn't able to assistant coach, leaving Jayson on his own. And did I mention that Jayson loves baseball, but can't hit the broad side of a barn? But once again we hit the jackpot with coaches. This coach is the most easy going, positive, and optimistic guy I've ever seen. He cheers for every pitch thrown and every swing of the bat. He has come up with the cutest nicknames for each player. He never argues with the umpires, even when they make an obvious bad call, although other coaches have thrown hissy fits. After all, these umps are just teenagers who are learning skills as well. He has good advice for every player after every game and always has a huge smile on his face. And to top it off, he has the most amazing son - a kid who could easily play on an elite travel team because he's THAT good, but stays on recreational. This boy is just like his father - cheering on his teammates and always being friendly. And happily he spends a lot of time sitting next to Jayson on the bench as they wait to bat. I suspect the coach told his son about Jayson and his autism issues, because he goes out of his way to talk to Jayson and encourage him. And the parents seem really great as well. Everyone cheers for everyone else - even kids on the other team if they make a great play. I couldn't ask for a better experience for Jayson. I'm so grateful. And even though he needs some help in the hitting department, he's actually quite talented at second base! Go figure!
So I'm not one of those mothers that can brag about how talented my kid is, and what elite teams he's on. I have a son who is (gasp) average, at best, in sports. But I suspect that makes me one of the lucky ones. Jayson doesn't have the pressure heaped on him that some kids do. Erik and I can't be swayed to sink tons of money into his athletic development like parents are often pressured to do (we get enough of that pressure with our daughter). Our kid just gets to play and have fun. So a great big THANK YOU to all the coaches and senseis who have helped our son. If everyone approached youth sports like these men, the world would be a better (and less stressful) place. Now, play ball!!!
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