Dear Katy,
I have been thinking a lot about you lately. It's usually your brother that brings me the most worry but lately it's been you. And it's not exactly worry that I feel - rather apprehension. I know you are on the verge of big changes and I can tell you are struggling with them. I guess I just want to make sure I'm helping you through these times in the right way. Moms are known for making big mistakes during this time period - ask any middle schooler! So I thought I would tell you some of the things that have been on my mind lately. Some of these things we have talked about and some we haven't - mainly because I can't always find the right words. So here it goes:
1. Don't worry about your mood swings. I know they bother you, I know you feel guilty about them, and I know you think there is something wrong with you. Trust me, it's OK. I had similar emotional swings when I was your age and they continued for quite a few years. I know you can't always control them and I know they drive you as batty as they drive everyone else. Dad and I expect them and are ready for them. And there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, I'm pleasantly surprised so far to see how well you handle some of those emotions. I appreciate that you are still so respectful and kind on the outside, even when I know you are a tumble of emotions on the inside.
2. Don't follow the crowd. We've had this conversation a million times. We've talked about the mean kids at school and why they always seem to become the "popular" kids. I don't know why it always seems to be the case, but it usually ends up that way. There is a reason those kids make you feel so uncomfortable - it's because you know you don't want to be like them. This is a good thing. Be your own person and try not to worry about what everyone else is doing. I know it's hard to do that right now but have confidence in yourself and know that you are a great kid who makes great choices. Don't be intimidated by those who make bad ones.
3. Hang in there with your friends. In a few short months you will go to middle school and your social circle will get a little bit bigger. You will meet plenty of kids that accept you for who you are - faults included. In the mean time, don't let people mistreat you. Don't let people ignore you or make you feel like they don't want you around. And don't be anyone's second choice. Life is too short to spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. True friends simply do not go out of their way to be mean and uncaring towards you. Friends can have disagreements, sure. But true friends are kind, and you know you have a true friend when you don't EVER have to question whether they want you around. You have friends like that now. Nurture those friendships and stop worrying about the other ones. But above all, be kind and understanding to everyone. Sometimes you will be kinder to others than they are to you. That's OK. We have had many talks about your brother and his struggles. I hope that has taught you that MANY people have their own struggles. Sometimes you have to give them a little bit of grace and leeway. Don't just toss people aside because they make a misstep. If we all did that, we would never form any meaningful relationships.
4. Have more confidence in yourself! I wish you could see what I see because you are such a neat kid. You are responsible, respectful, and smart (a parent's dream combination). But you are also hilariously funny (some may call it snarky - it's OK, you get that from me), a great artist, a very creative writer, a budding track and cross country runner, and a pretty darn good synchronized ice skater! You are unique. Don't worry if you're not like every other kid at your school. You aren't supposed to be - you just have to be YOU!
5. Don't fear the changes that are coming your way - embrace them. Everyone is trying to scare you about Middle School and how intimidating it will be. Trust me - you are going to thrive there. You are organized and have amazing study skills and will probably coast through the academics. And if you can remember some of the advice above you will make it through the social minefields as well. You can continue to skate with your good friends on your team, and you can try out new teams and clubs at school. There are so many neat opportunities on the horizon. You are going to LOVE middle school!
6. And finally - try to cut me a few breaks. I am in the process of trying to figure out how to mother you correctly through this time. I have to strike the right balance between protecting you and letting you go. I won't always do it right. But I think I'm going to do OK - and so are you. I love you.
Love, Mom.
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